Monday, February 07, 2011 '
im feeling so fked uppppppp.
things i see, things i heard.
making me feel upset like no tomorrow.
why the fk must all these happen in the first place?
i really cannnot figure out.
Monday, January 31, 2011 '
too rush for a r/s.
this was my fault too.
should have understand one another better before we attached.
cannot blame you totally.
i dont blame you for not being a good girlfriend.
dont say that you dont suit me, because i feel that you suit.
dont say that you cannot bring me happiness, because i did found my happiness when im with you.
dont say that you are selfish & heartless, because you got no choice.
i just blame myself for not giving you the right feelings you want & need.
i know i have to move on with my life.
but i need time which is till i dont know when.
all the plans that i planned is gonna be down the drain.
what a start for 2011.
what s start for cny.
another lonely vday again. already did something halfway for vday to surprise you but i guess no need already. just have to give up that idea.
maybe i shouldnt be in a r/s at all, right?
i think that being a friend is still better than being tgt.
because i really failed in letting my partner having the best and right feelings for me.
im just very disappointed in myself.
just hope you choose wisely for the guy you want to be with. i dont wish the next guy to treat you badly and you hurt yourself in the end.
i just want you to be careful in decisions you make and be happy with your life.
Sunday, January 30, 2011 '
its offically over.
i just cannot make the one i love stay with me for long.
its always like these.
2 years ago this kinda thing happen, 2 years later the kinda same thing happen yet again.
whats this? am i being played in my life? or just meant not to be with anyone?
i dont really know. but 1 thing i know is that i easily made their feelings fade.
tried all my best to spark up the r/s up in the end its still no use.
I guess communication was the problem that lead to this.
Meaning the problem started from me that slowly causes problems to appear.
i know sometimes i really dont talk much.
i know sometimes its really boring when you are with me.
i know most of the time is you who started our conversation.
i knew it all the while.
i tried my very best to find things to talk or talk naturally but i just cant.
i really dont know why im like these and i hate it not only you. i seriously hate it.
but even if its so, you should have told me your unhappiness when we are tgt.
you just bottle up all your thoughts and feelings inside you.
you said that to know and understand you, have to use heart.
sometimes i really cant use my heart to understand you totally cause i really dont know what you are thinking.
we said before that if there are any problems with one another, just say it out and we will try to solve it.
but it never happen at all.
but i cant blame you on these because i myself also didnt tell you anything.
Honestly, i didnt tell you any of my unhappiness is because there isnt any.
i felt happy to be with you.
i felt happy being loved by you.
i felt happy that i gave you the secure and happiness you want.
i felt happy cause you are happy when im with you.
sometimes i see you stress and tired over things, my heart just ache but i cant do much.
i know that i needa stand by you whenever you need me and i know when you see me, your thoughts are cleared at that point of time.
Anyway, i said so much also no use already.
i keep think that there are still hope for us.
Feelings faded are hard to get it back no matter what.
in the end, im being defeated by this thing called ' feelings ' and myself.
Now,
i cant hug you when you need a hug, but you can hug that bear.
i cant give you my shoulder when you need a shoulder to lie on.
i cant wipe away your tears whenever you cry.
i wont be around when you are drunk, so do take care of yourself. but i know your friends will take care even it happen.
i only can watch you from far, show my concern, give you my support, as a friend.
i cant bear to leave you, but you already given all up.
its only a 1mth+ r/s and i made it sounded like 1 year 2 year r/s.
i know im silly but i cant help it because my feelings are still there.
i even have this thought of.. what if i want to chase you back? will i have a chance? but i guess thats out of the question to you because you said before that you once you break, you wont go back to that r/s. right? but i still wanna try. if i really really fail, i think it will be difficult for me to be loving anyone anymore.
Lastly,
im really disappointed of what happen but i dont blame you because none of us want this.
im just too naive and put all my effort in the r/s and now fell down and hurt myself.
i dont know what will happen in the future but if you found a better and suitable guy for yourself, i just hope he will treat you well like how i did.
(L)
Thursday, January 27, 2011 '
do i deserve all these shyts? why everytime i put high hope on something i want but in the end it just crashes on me?
i really really wanna know what are you thinking right now. other than those things you told me that time when i asked you whats the problem. i think we needa sit down and talk things out.
i wanna save our r/s while i still can. dont you? i know that you are stress over some other stuffs but you chose to put it inside yourself rather than expressing out.
do you know that by doing this, you are making me more stress than you?
As a boyfriend, i dont know what is happening to our r/s. i dont know what my girlfriend is thinking inside her. im trying my best to understand your situation all these while but how about me? i just wanna let you know that if things can be done or solved, i want it to be solved asap rather than dragging it cause it wont do us good.
i just wanna tell you. i hate this kinda feeling that i having right now but i dont wanna give up. because you know that i dont bear to. i just hope you feel the same way too.
<3
Wednesday, January 26, 2011 '
why every of my r/s end up this way?
why?
i really dont know the reason. i dont blame anyone but i wanna know why its everytime like this?
i just hope for a good r/s which i will have lesser problems on it but it seems like when something happen in my r/s, its always have the same problems.
sighs. i wanna save my current r/s. tell me what to do....
Sunday, January 23, 2011 '
whats happening? i feel that something different between us now. dont you think so?
you can say i think too much, think alot but thats how i felt recently.
you said that im a wonderful bf to you. yes i agreed
but to me, i dont think so. because my greatest flaw is communication and it covers up almost all my wonderful-ness in me.
dont you think we lack communication sometimes?
i told you before that i made you bored but you said its okay.
i dont think its okay at all now because everything is starting to get different.
its not your fault at all. the problem lies with me.
i just really cannot get it why i cant start a conversation between us sometimes.
we both know that most of the time is you who talk to me 1st and thats how our conversations started if not there will be silence.
we have experience these moments, don't we?
As time goes by, you will be turned bored by me. i can feel it now, dont you?
I dont blame you for neglecting me sometimes because you really tired after your sch and work. but i just dont know why i have these kinda fear.
the fear of losing you slowly.
the fear of your feelings slowly fading away.
the fear of not able to make this r/s a success like how we want it to be.
i just felt that things are changing slowly and i dont like it. if theres really problems in this r/s, can you tell me? i still wanna solve it when there is still time.